Leaving Well - Holding a Safe Space for Hard Conversations

Leaving well: Conversations about death and dying

How do we create a safe space for conversations that most people avoid?

That was the question behind Leaving Well, a five-week community conversation series hosted by St Alban's Eastbourne throughout July. The series invited people from across the community to explore death and dying through kōrero, practical information, poetry, music, reflection and shared kai.

The idea grew from a simple observation: although death is something every one of us will face, many people just don’t talk about it openly. Conversations about wills, funerals, ageing, end-of-life care, grief, relationships and spirituality are often put off until a crisis happens.

"We weren't trying to provide all the answers," says Priest-in-Charge Sue Brown. "Our aim was just to create a space where people could ask honest questions, listen to one another, and discover they weren't alone. One of the surprises was just how much laughter there was, and how many new connections were made."

Each week, up to 40 people gathered to explore a different aspect of "leaving well"—from life stories and legacy to practical planning, palliative care, funeral choices and different understandings of what might lie beyond death. Local writers, a lawyer, funeral director and hospice and ICU staff shared their experience, while small-group kōrero remained at the heart of each evening.

One theme emerged again and again: talking about death is ultimately about learning how to live. Participants found that these conversations brought not only practical clarity, but also gratitude, reconciliation and a renewed appreciation of relationships.

For St Alban's, Leaving Well was a Leading Your Church into Growth (LYCiG) Presence initiative—responding to a real community need by creating a place where people could ask life's deeper questions together. It was a reminder that one of the Church's greatest gifts is offering spaces where people can explore difficult subjects with compassion, respect and hope.