This is part of a helpful series of articles and stories on Mental Wellbeing presented by Suzie Baird and Tricia Hendry to help the Church build our knowledge, understanding, and skills to strengthen our communities.

Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to our life or safety but can be any event or situation that leaves us feeling overwhelmed by fear, horror, helplessness, or distress. The greater the trauma, the greater the impact it has on us. Trauma is subjective – what one person may find deeply traumatic another might not.

Some traumatic experiences in life are so tough they can cause deep pain and ongoing suffering. Trauma is, in essence, a wound that can hurt every part of us. Our bodies, thoughts, emotions, faith and outlook, relationships, and ability to function can all be affected. A person’s reactions are normal responses to the abnormal circumstances that the brain is trying to process, but they can also be full on, challenging to handle, and unpredictable. “Just leave it behind and move on’ is common enough advice from others but trauma is complicated and its far reaching effects not always visible.

Although trauma can overwhelm a person’s ability to cope for a time, it’s a wound that can heal. We are all vulnerable to trauma but how good it is that God is with those who suffer. God knows us and our pain and wants to help us heal and become whole again. This is why we can have hope in his healing, despite even the harshest traumatic circumstances.

More about trauma…

Trauma can be caused by a one off event, such as an accident, a natural disaster, a sudden death, a crime, or witnessing something terrible first-hand. Or it can be caused by an ongoing period of prolonged stressful exposure to a traumatic situation, such as family violence, sexual abuse, invasive medical treatments, or bullying and harassment.

Trauma can affect people individually, but it can also affect a whole group of people, such as in Canterbury after the quakes or Māori communities in the face of colonisation. Any intergenerational historical traumatic experiences can negatively shape a family’s, whānau’s, or community’s future level of wellbeing.

The brain needs to process what’s happened and get itself, and the person’s physical body, back into balance. However this takes time. For some people, the effects of significant trauma can be long lasting and recovering can be slow and challenging. Past trauma can also affect a person’s future reactions to other life experiences.

Supporting someone living with its effects

God intended his people to do life together. That’s why Jesus kept reminding us - love one another!! He’s always known that when we provide caring and loving support for anyone struggling, such as with the aftermath of trauma, it can be a game changer.

• Let them know you’re sad this has happened to them, that you care and want to support them.

• Let them talk about what happened if they want to. Keep calm and listen really well. If possible, avoid any interruptions.

• Understand if they don’t want to talk. Or perhaps offer to help them find someone they’d feel more comfortable talking to about their huge experience.

• Naturally, the person may get upset, anxious, angry, or perhaps withdrawn at times. These reactions are a normal part of coming to terms with what’s happened to them. Reassure them of this. It’s not your job to make their distress go away. Be willing to just be with them or available for support.  Understand if they want to be alone sometimes.

• Don’t judge them. Don’t think you know how they should think, feel, or behave. Respect their reactions and their experience. Never minimise it or pretend it didn’t happen. No one can simply be ‘jollied along’ out of trauma reactions. 

• Validate their reactions. Such as “It must be really hard to go through something like this”  or “Take all the time you need because this was a tough experience.”

• Think practical. Ask them how you can best support them. If they’re not sure, perhaps offer in this way…”Would it be helpful if I….?” Accept it if they don’t want to say yes at this time. Ask again another time.

• Encourage them to keep up normal routines, which can help them feel more in control of things.

• Encourage them to look after themselves well as they recover, including eating healthy food, drinking enough water, getting plenty of sleep and rest, having some simple exercise, avoiding drugs and alcohol, and doing things they enjoy.

• Relaxing, laughing and having fun are all helpful healing tools. Include the person in easy activities, including social times, even if they’re just present and don’t participate at first.

• Find gentle and appropriate ways to express God’s love for them and presence with them, even in the hardest moments.

• Go at their pace, not yours. Be patient. Be kind. Pray for them. Let their healing take the time it needs to take – which may well be longer than you expect. Don’t try to move them on before they’re ready.

Really concerned?

If they continue to be extremely distressed, troubled by flashbacks or sleep disturbances, having erratic, or worrying behaviours, experiencing suicidal thoughts, or showing no recovery progress at all, encourage them to seek professional assistance. Offer to take them to a medical or counselling appointment.

If you think they’re in immediate danger, or others are, contact emergency services for advice and assistance. Call 111.

Look after yourself too

It can be hard watching someone in extreme distress. Make self-care your priority. God is with you also.

By Tricia Hendry

If you, a member of your whānau, or a friend are experiencing mental distress, please contact a GP for further mental health support and referrals. You can text or call 1737 to talk to a trained counsellor 24/7. In an emergency, please contact your local mental health crisis team or nearest Emergency Department. In a life-threatening situation call 111.

Suzie Baird is a mental health advocate. She has lived experience of mental distress that helps her to support others and educate those wanting to understand more. She attends Lyall Bay Community Church, an Anglican pioneer mission unit.

Tricia Hendry is a writer and educator specialising in issues relating the mental health and resilience. She has many years’ experience supporting others through mental health and trauma challenges. She attends All Saints, Hataitai.