Self-Harm: A Language of Distress
Warning: This article contains discussions around self-harm and suicide
This is part of a helpful series of articles and stories on Mental Wellbeing presented by Suzie Baird and Tricia Hendry to help the Church build our knowledge, understanding, and skills to strengthen our communities.
In Aotearoa and across the globe self-harm is, and continues to be, a complex and increasing issue. Despite a growing awareness of mental distress, the act of self-harm continues to bring a lot of misunderstanding, confusion and concern for those struggling, their families, whānau, and friends. As Christians, we are called to follow Jesus and model his compassion for those in distress. Today we will look at how to do this in the context of self-harm.
What is self-harm?
In the simplest terms, self-harm can be described as any act where someone deliberately hurts or injures themselves. Self-harm happens for many reasons. It’s important to note that someone who self-harms isn’t necessarily wanting to die, however on the surface it can look similar. It is the intention behind someone’s harm that decides whether it is an act of attempted suicide or an act of self-harm. For someone who is deliberating self-harming, they are often using it as a way to keep living and coping, rather than a way to end their lives. It is an act of survival, not of trying to die.
For people who struggle with self-harm, the reasons behind it can vary. Some people have described it as a way to cope with intense or difficult emotions, or a way to stop feeling numb. Others share that self-harm helps them to feel grounded, is a way to escape traumatic memories, or a way to punish themselves for something. Sometimes the self-harm can be linked to a specific situation or event, either present or in the past, but other times it may appear out of the blue.
Similarly, how people self-harm can vary. Some people cut themselves, hit themselves, or burn themselves. Other times, self-harming behaviours may be harder to notice, such as someone exercising excessively, purposely getting into fights, or misusing medication.
The reasons behind someone’s self-harm and how they do it will differ. However, what does not change is Jesus’ call to us to love people who are struggling.
The biology of self-harm
To the average person, self-harm may be shocking and confusing and appear counter-intuitive. Yet countless people describe feeling better after self-harm. While the studies around self-harm are limited and relatively new, there is important work being done in this area looking at the biological relationship between self-harm and our bodies natural inbuilt responses to pain.
As humans, God has designed us with a fascinating and complex system to keep us alive. One of these is the endogenous opioid system, which regulates people’s pain perception and the levels of the natural pain-relieving chemicals in our system. These natural chemicals, otherwise known as opiates, help us to feel calm, regulated and happy. Recent studies about self-harm show that there is an increase in these powerful, naturally calming chemicals released after an episode of self-harm.
Jerusha Clark and Dr. Earl Henslin, in their book ‘Inside a Cutter’s Mind: Understanding and helping those who self-injure’ explains it this way:
Despite the growing research being fairly new, it is important to recognise that self-harm is a lot more complex than the assumptions we can make. Knowing that there is a biological basis behind self-harm can help us to support people well, hearing their experiences without judgement or shame. It also helps us to understand better when people share how and why they self-harm.
Supporting those that self-harm
Although self-harm may seem like a recent and current phenomenon, self-harm has been around since the time of Jesus.
In the Gospel of Mark 5:1–20, we read about a man living in the tombs in Gerasenes who would ‘cry out and cut himself with stones.’ In this instance, Jesus recognised that it was an ‘impure spirit’ that was causing the man’s distress and prayed for him. This is an area we need to be cautious around, as mental distress isn’t necessarily a spiritual issue. Rather what we can be sure about is that it requires a holistic response. When Jesus saw the man, he made time for him, he didn’t judge or shame him, he demonstrated that he cared for him and loved him. As followers of Jesus, we are called to follow his example and support those struggling with self-harm in the same way.
Practically, here are some quick tips…
Remember that someone who self-harms isn’t necessarily trying to die. However, because it can look similar, it’s important to find out how the person is doing, if they are suicidal, and to seek help in an emergency.
Do not shame or judge. Many who struggle with self-harm already feel guilty and shameful. If we respond in a way that is dismissive, unkind or unloving, the person may not be honest with us again. If people share that they are struggling with self-harm, thank them for their courage and listen without trying to fix it for them.
If you (or someone you know) is struggling with self-harm, it is best to first speak with a GP. Counselling can be helpful because it can support people to understand what’s been happening for them, identify their triggers and learn some new positive coping strategies. Dialectic Behaviour Therapy, led by a counsellor, has especially had positive success for people struggling with self-harm.
If you struggle with self-harm, try to notice your triggers. Find ways to distract yourself when you feel the urge to self-harm. Ask for help. Stay connected to your relationships. Remember that although self-harm might help you feel better in the moment, it doesn’t help long-term.
See our previous articles here about supporting people in distress
For those struggling with self-harm, you can see our article here, Taking the first steps towards recovery.
To find a GP or a counsellor or psychologist, see these links:
By Suzie Baird
If you, a member of your whānau, or a friend are experiencing mental distress, please contact a GP for further mental health support and referrals. You can text or call 1737 to talk to a trained counsellor 24/7. In an emergency, please contact your local mental health crisis team or nearest Emergency Department. In a life-threatening situation call 111.
Suzie Baird is a mental health advocate. She has lived experience of mental distress that helps her to support others and educate those wanting to understand more. She attends Lyall Bay Community Church, an Anglican pioneer mission unit.
Tricia Hendry is a writer and educator specialising in issues relating the mental health and resilience. She has many years’ experience supporting others through mental health and trauma challenges. She attends All Saints, Hataitai.